


show me, my love, your open wounds: your veins like the currents

by seroquel (smallredboy)



Category: Hannibal (TV)
Genre: Episode: s03e06 Dolce, F/F, Mild Sexual Content, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Touch Aversion, references to canon incestual rape
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-28
Updated: 2020-03-28
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:13:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23367505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smallredboy/pseuds/seroquel
Summary: Margot nearly panics during her first time with Alana.
Relationships: Alana Bloom/Margot Verger
Comments: 2
Kudos: 33
Collections: Bad Things Happen Bingo, Ladies Bingo 2019, femslashficlets: queer women's literature quotes challenge





	show me, my love, your open wounds: your veins like the currents

**Author's Note:**

> **ladies bingo:** There's a first time for everything: First times  
>  **femslashficlets:** _I feel I stand in a desert with my hands outstretched, and you are raining down upon me._ Patricia Highsmith, The Price of Salt  
>  **bad things happen bingo:** traumatic touch aversion
> 
> a prompt fill for my boyfriend! <3
> 
> enjoy!

"Are you okay?" Alana asks, her hand on Margot's side.

She's _trying_ to be okay. She's attempting to not have a flashback, to not panic, to not start crying while she and Alana have sex for the first time. It's their first time, and she's so nervous and so fucking traumatized, and the only therapy she has gotten has been from a serial killer who is now at large — and considering his track record with patients, she doubts that was any help to her mental state.

(Mason is the one who got all the therapy in the world. Court-ordered therapy that did nothing to change his behavior. He hasn't gone all the way again, but he's sure harassed her and breathed down her neck, mocked her and showed her being eaten by his pigs. She's so, so glad that he can't do anything to her anymore. Well, at least not physically. His torment continues emotionally, but she knows that will be over at one point. At one point she will be free from him. At least she hopes so.)

"Um," she starts. She tries to ground herself, techniques she's read in the self-help books that are gathering dust in the bookshelves in Mason's bedroom. She's not sure if he ever actually read them. "I'm good. You can, uh, keep going, if you'd like."

Alana's eyes glint with something and oh God, why did she get attached to a _psychiatrist_ , of course she can read her like an open book. She withdraws her fingers. "You're not," she replies. "We don't have to keep going if you're not comfortable, Margot."

She draws in a breath and pulls her into a kiss, quick, sweet and easy. "I just… have lots of issues, Alana."

"I can tell," she deadpans.

Margot raises a brow at her. There's a stand off of silence for a few seconds. "I don't think I can deal with you touching me."

Alana immediately pulls her hands away, retrieves all contact between their bodies. How much she cares makes her want to cry; the way she reveres her like she's something holy makes her want to break down into tears. Her careful touch is overwhelming, like a downpour going down every inch of her bare skin.

"I can keep touching you," she continues. "I can touch you. I just don't think you can touch me."

Every sexual touch has aways been overwhelming, a downpour of emotion, electricity crackling down her skin. She's hooked up with women once or twice, just as relief, a bad coping mechanism, and it's always ended on the verge of a mental breakdown. But Alana understands her, one way or another.

"That's okay," Alana says, laying back on the bed. "I won't touch you until you're ready, Margot."

Margot settles between her legs, touches her, and Alana doesn't make any effort to touch her back. She stills, tilts her head back, mutters praises and noises of approval, egging her on. It's a drug for her as she leans close to her, to taste her.

"You're doing good, Margot," she tells her, her fist tightening around the sheets. "You're lovely. Take your time."

Margot draws in a shaky breath. She tries her best to remain composed, to act like the mere fact that she's being treated so _kindly_ doesn't drive her crazy with want, with the need to touch and be touched. But her aversion will stop her from getting to that for a while, so she takes what she can get at the moment.

She takes her time, and she touches Alana without expecting nothing in return.


End file.
